Just a quick peak inside my heart...

So life in Pemba is coming to a close. :) :( :) :( :S

I have many mixed feelings about this. It seems like in the last few days, my heart is being further broken for this place and these people. My heart is ever expanding in my desire to love and care for people with HIV. Lately it has been the women with this disease that are becoming so near and dear to me.

Yesterday as I was organizing donations, I heard my name being called from the direction of the clinic. The nurse, a good friend of mine, was asking for my help. She was reviewing women and the babies that they care for who are eligible for our formula feeding program. She called me because she was overwhelmed with the need and all the sick babies, she wanted me to come hold babies and pray over them, because for many of them God is their only hope. Sitting in that clinic my heart broke again. I held sick baby after sick baby. At home many of these children would be in the hospital.

Three of these babies will be etched in my mind and heart forever. The first was a three month old with a bilateral cleft palette, unable to suckle on the breast or on a bottle. The mother must feed her baby formula by spoon until they have an opportunity for surgery. I have never seen a cleft palette before repair and I am so thankful for the health care systems that we have in west, no matter how corrupt they may be, this child would have a different life.

The other two babies are twins, cared for by their grandmother. These twins are 14 months old according to their birth certificates. The brother weighs 6 Kg (13 lbs) and the sister only 4kg (8.8 lbs).... I have held newborn babies bigger than her. Just thinking of these babies brings tears to my eyes. Upon inquiry the grandmother told us that the mother was dead. Over and over again, grandmother after grandmother told us that they had their grandbabies because their daughters are dead. We never got a clear answer as to cause of death for any of them but my passion to care for people with HIV increased every time I held another baby with a dead mother.

I do not write this to make you sad or to make you feel bad for the poor orphans in Africa; I write this today because this is where I am at. Today I do not want to leave this place, I want to sit myself in the dirt and hold babies until they are healthy. I want to go into villages and teach about the reality of HIV and how one can still live a healthy life with this disease. I want to see fear and stigma die... I want to see these women and children live.

We all know that I am here in this place because of these passions and desires. I am amazed that these passions and desires are still growing in me, even in these last days before I head home to finish my education.

I can honestly say that I have learned multitudes more than I even thought possible in these past four months. Even though I have been here twice before, my life will never be the same again after this specific trip. I am so grateful for this opportunity to love and to serve. I have so much more to say and to share but it may be months or years before I process it all.

Thank you for your love and interest in my life and journey.

I would appreciate your prayers as I start packing up this season of my life. My heart is aching at the thought of leaving these precious people and all the friends (now family) that I have come so close to here.

See you in a few weeks (unless you live in Indonesia)

Forever changed.

Candace